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you think you're chocolate

when you're chewing gum

2006-08-14

Someone please say: Here's where you should be, darnit!

It has been so long since I blogged, and there were many things that were floating in my head at certain moments, just waiting to be written down or typed or expressed in some way or other.

And then I was too lazy to blog, or maybe I've just lost it- that blogging momentum, if I can call it that. Haha.

I wanted to write a national day entry, because I do love Singapore. Yes, go ahead and cringe. I think many Singaporeans don't believe in that anymore. I love it despite everything, and I don't need NE lessons and shit to teach me that, so there. Love just happens, you know? Ohgosh, that sounds utterly cheesy, and the fact that it's way after Nday, that sounds even cheesier. Ugh.

No, what I wanted to say was...I kind of forgotten what I wanted to say. Let's say school. I keep worrying that I'm making the wrong choices. Like taking theatre or psychology or even being in usp. I didn't really consider my options. I wish I could THINK more, you know. Like give those ideas a good brain treatment. Somehow I hope that like Lit, they're gonna be like beautiful accidents or something.

It's really interesting though, to get to know people out of your social zones. People from science who are doing arts now (I feel so proud of them!!!), people from different parts of the world... I feel a silly attachment towards people who are planning to major in Lit because they love it and I just want to grab them and ask, What's your fave book!

Which reminds me that I am so lazy these days, I feel so crappy and just out of focus (like a camera! haha, GG joke.) I can't stick with a book for more than ten pages. Let's see, I have flipped through Grapes of Wrath, Angels in America, Basic Yoga, Lucky Magazine, Walden... and I never finish anything. The only book I have really read is The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-moon Marigolds. What a great title.

I just want to feel some Life in me, you know. Get back some Passion, or something. I think that's gonna happen somehow, I just don't know when.

Anyway, first day of school today and I didn't expect homework. Okay that seems stupid, I was sort of expecting homework, but I didn't really want to see the big picture like when I have to hand in the first paper yadayada. It seems a little overwhelming. Or maybe I'm not yet one of those students who have gotten their books and whatnot all ready, and are raring to rush into the whole academic thing.

It feels weird you know, when I look back at secondary or primary school. I would flip through those magazines and admire jc students and uni students and wished I could quickly morph myself into one. I thought jc uniforms were cool. Haha. And then in jc when I started really learning stuff, I couldn't couldn't wait to get into uni so I could discover more. And then now. Now. Hmm.

I feel awfully The Gradaute-ish. I think everyone should go watch that movie, not just because of the best soundtrack ever (in my opinion), but it sorta encapsulates what I'm feeling right now. The one thing that stuck with me was when Dustin Hoffman was asked what he planned to do after grad, and he said I want to do something different, or be different, I can't remember exactly which. It was just the idea of different. I can't put it in any other way. He said exactly what I wanted to say.

Yux chewed at 6:45 p.m.

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