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you think you're chocolate

when you're chewing gum

2006-07-08

I'm sorry if this is morbid

Everything seems to be pretty dead these days. My blog, for example, which I'm horribly neglecting.

And other news: My aunt just passed away. She's 51.

Terribly sudden. Like my uncle, who passed away few years back from heart attack. I don't know, the weirdest thing is that both of them have no heart, or health problems whatsoever. Noone could have guessed, the doctors even. They just collapsed one day. It just happened.

I'm not terribly sad now, I guess. She's not really close to our family, and I barely talk to her, but she's always been there you know...just there. Like oil in the kitchen, or water flowing from your tap.

I didn't even plan on typing an entry on this. It just happened.

I don't even know how to say things. If I reflect on this, and turn it into some philosophical babble about death etc, it feels too selfish, too cold. But I don't know what I'm feeling either. I feel nothing, yet. Is it weird to feel nothing? As if this thing didn't make me pause for awhile, as if I just kept going, doing the things I do. Can people just die or vanish, and you know them (possibly all your life) and yet you don't feel sad?

It's even weird to type the word sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. How did this s-a-d become sad to become the opposite of happy? What is SAD.

It's probably coincidental but before I heard the news, I was watching The Ghost Whisperer on tv and Jennifer Love Hewitt's character said something like how death isn't everything, it's just a small part of life. I like the show, it's really about the opposite of death.

I have to go to the funeral now... am dreading it in a way. It's sort of a closure, for people. And also a kind of beginning. But from one end to the other, that journey- it's so hard and what do I say to them, what looks do I give?

Yux chewed at 6:43 p.m.

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