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you think you're chocolate

when you're chewing gum

2006-03-12

I WANT recklessness

TIANG: hahahhaa. I knew it! You were looking at me weird. Eh I was surprised okay:) Too bad I didn't go over and give you a hug!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH/

Because this is my blog and because I am a woman and because women have the monthlies and just BECAUSE, I have the right to rant my head off.

I don't know why, but I'm beginning to feel depressed and pyschotic and angsty and irritated and sad and whatever!!! I have started the tendency of wanting to say f- and then stop myself, because you know, ladies don't swear. Christian ladies don't swear. They do, however, have the right to rant their heads off.

Instead of what I love/am happy for, I shall start a list of things I hate:

1. The ending of Gilmore Girls' Season Five.
2. The fact that HMV does not carry GG season two onwards.
3. The fact that buying GG from amazon will bust my bank account.
4. CPF.
5. IRRITATING PEOPLE ON THE BUS. All the butt-rubbing. STUFFY buses (saving electricity or what!!! I'm paying freaking alot of money on public transport okay!!!)
6. Pretty clothes that need to be handwashed.
7. MY HAIR.
8. Deadlines.
9. Having to work (for money and nothing else).

I cannot think of anymore. Which is heartening to note.

WHYYY! WHYYY is it so hard to CHOOSE. Why must we be sensible and practical and be all that my Mum wants me to be (NOT spendthrift)???

Why can't I give my life over to recklessness.

Why is it better to aspire to be a LV-touting, Cooper-driving, suit-blazing, ACHIEVING taitai/doctor/lawyer/professional than a messy-haired, grubby hippie/vegabond?

I just don't get it. We cannot live by romanticism and ideals and ideas. We can only live by what we have. What do I have? What?

Feeling inadequacy and inadequacy and inadequacy. Questions and lots of questions and am too lazy to answer them.

I think people just lie to themselves, right?

I have a life that is enough.

I must start reading Corinthians, every word of it, from start to finish. I think that's all I ask for, all I need, for now.

I need this one stone, so I can sink in for once. I'm too, too afraid to be carried away...

Yux chewed at 5:25 p.m.

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